HAPPY WEDNESDAY

Woman blames vampire for car crash

A woman who drove her car into a canal told police that she had been startled by a vampire standing in the middle of the road.

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How the vampire may have looked

The woman said that she was driving her SUV along a dirt road in Colorado's Grand Valley region on Sunday night when she saw a vampire standing in the middle of the track.

Startled by the appearance of the undead fiend, the immediately put the SUV into reverse, with the result that she drove straight into the canal.

The woman was not injured in the accident, or subsequently ravaged by the vampire, and her husband arrived to take her home.

There were no other witnesses who reported seeing the alleged bloodsucker. Troopers who arrived at the scene found the woman's vehicle in the canal, but were unable to track down the vampire. 

Police say they do not believe drugs or alcohol played any part in the vampire incident.

KYLIE

The Aussie pop princess, 42, dressed down in a grungy cropped top, grey ripped jeans and black ankle boots as she shot a cameo for the film Jack and Diane in New York yesterday. 

Kylie also sported a frazzled mop of hair and had various tattoos inked on her arm and back including one of human bones.

Kylie Minogue: The evolution of a style chameleon

The former Neighbours star has been busy filming for the past two days for what has been billed as a lesbian werewolf drama, flying in straight from appearing with the Scissor Sisters at Glastonbury. 

It will be her first big screen role since she played the Green Fairy in the musical Moulin Rouge in 2001. 

Earlier this month, she told US magazine BlackBook that she was eager to get back into acting. 

"As a ‘pop star,’ I’ve created this world for myself, and it becomes very natural to stay inside of it, but I’d love to do some independent films." 

"It’s still very early, but I’m in the process of choosing between specific parts." 

"I have big ambitions, but I’m really quiet about it. What’s that saying? 'Never let people know how much you know.'" 

GINA G

KYLIE AT GLASTONBURY

HAPPY GAY THURSDAY

It’s Gay Thursday. Yep, that’s right, on Thursdays you get to be gay. Unless you’re gay. Then you get to be “straight”. So knowing Gay Thursday is approaching here is a picture to get you in the mood..... Cheers!...

Chris Tarrant’s ex wife Ingrid wrestled to ground following police chase for parking ticket

Chris Tarrant’s former wife Ingrid was wrestled to the ground and handcuffed after trying to run from police following a parking ticket row, a court heard.

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Ingrid Tarrant was in court today as police described how she tried to run from the parking ticket

The 55-year-old ex of the Who Wants To Be a Millionaire presenter was approached by police on Christmas Eve after parking in a bus stop.

But instead of facing the officers, Ingrid sped off in her silver Saab, leaving her daughter Thea on the pavement, and became locked in a car chase for two miles before being cornered at red traffic lights.

She then jumped out of her car and tried to run but was hauled to the ground where she was handcuffed despite fighting furiously with the officers.

Ingrid, who is said to have received £12.5 million from her divorce settlement with Chris, sat in Kingston Crown Court today and sobbed as the story was told by PC Peter Groves.

She sat behind her lawyer Peter Lodder, QC, as PC Groves told how he tried to write Mrs Tarrant a ticket while she said: ‘You lot are as bad as traffic wardens – get a life’, and started the engine.

He continued:  ‘I shouted to the driver to stop and I put my hand in front of her windscreen.  I was repeatedly shouting ‘stop’ and banging on the windscreen as the car continued to move forward.

‘I wasn’t sure why the driver had disobeyed my directions and why it all happened in the first place. From a simple parking offence.  I was in disbelief really.’

Mrs Tarrant was convicted for parking in a bus stop, failing to stop for a police officer, obstructing a police officer and resisting arrest – totalling a fine of £2,700 and ordered to pay £1,200 in costs.

She is now appealing against the conviction and sentence and the hearing will last two days before a decision on the appeal is made.

Naked Cowboy takes legal action against Naked Cowgirl

The famous busking, not-technically-naked Naked Cowboy of New York is threatening legal action against an also not-technically-naked female performer called the Naked Cowgirl. 

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The Naked Cowboy, aka Robert Burck, holds and almost-naked news conference in New York's Times Square

The Naked Cowboy, who is frequently seen in New York's Times Square, strumming a guitar while wearing only a cowby hat and a pair of white briefs, has sent a cease-and-desist letter to the Naked Cowgirl.

The Naked Cowboy, whose real name is Robert Burck, is demanding that the Naked Cowgirl - also known as Sandy Kane, who performs in a red, white and blue cowboy hat and matching bikini - stop ripping off his trademark.

Burck says if Kane's going to make money by posing for photos, he wants her to sign a 'Naked Cowboy Franchise Agreement.' Most of his licensed franchisees are required to pay $5,000 a year or $500 a month, and must go through a screening process. 

Kane, who is in her 50s and whose real name is Sandra Brodsky, is a former stripper who's now a fixture of the city comedy scene. She insists that she doesn't owe Burck anything.

CROSSROADS

Crossroads was a UK soap that ran from the 1960's to the 1980's telling stories of the staff and customers of a Birmingham Motel. Starring Noele Gordon as motel owner Meg Richardson. Its' attempts to show the life of the Crossroads Motel, it's owner and employees often received critics' derision. But it nevertheless it held its' audience for almost 20 yrs.

I LOVE MY FOOTIE....

YOUTUBE BOOSTS UPLOAD LIMITS TO INCREASE PICTURE QUALITY, CONTENT QUALITY UNAFFECTED

San Bruno, CA – YouTube has announced that they will now allow users to upload video clips up to one gigabyte, up from the previous one hundred megabytes that the company had previously allowed. While some users are applauding the move as a step forward, potentially allowing for high definition video (the length of clips remains ten minutes), some are calling the move pointless as it will do little to upgrade the quality of the content of the videos.

“It may be that this move is the first step in allowing HD videos on the site even though the company has stated that preferred ease of use over quality,” said Scrape TV technology analyst Ken Kevins. “Of course that philosophy has applied not just to video quality but also to content. While the company has had tremendous success with the handful of videos that have become viral hits, the reality is the bulk of content on the site is junk with hardly any effort put into it. By doing nothing to up the time restriction the company isn’t encouraging more in depth material. The only thing it will do is make videos of people ranting about their girlfriends or getting hit in the groin look a little sharper.” 

While the mainstay of YouTube’s business model has been user created video clips, the company has struggled with profitability. The popularity of the site and its ability to serve advertising to users (via parent company Google) are two areas that have been significantly out of sync. The higher demand on the servers and bandwith that higher quality videos will require will only act to widen that gap, which is causing many observers to question the wisdom of the move.

“With so many other video serving websites out there now, YouTube has to keep pace. The reality is the bulk of the people uploading onto the site are not going to take advantage of the increase. The principle reason for uploads of that size would be to put feature length films on the service, which won’t work with only ten minutes of footage,” continued Kevins. “Veoh, Joost, and fleets of other sharing sites are now offering higher resolution video. Even Google Video has allowed longer pieces for a long time. YouTube needs to look like they are reacting to the market even if it’s just talk. Like everything YouTube, it’s style over substance. And there isn’t even all that much style, but at least they’re putting on a good face. Of course if some of those vloggers start putting up high definition videos of themselves, well, that face might not end up being all that good.”

The company posted the change on their blog and did not respond to questions about the change. We tried contacting YouTube stars Rick Astley and Tay Zonday but received no response. As of press time, no good videos had been uploaded with the new parameters.

NEW FACEBOOK PRIVACY CHANGES MAKING LIFE HELL FOR STALKERS

Palo Alto, CA – In just a few years Facebook has gone from a small college-boy start-up to one of the most dominant media forces the world has ever seen. With over 350 million users, the site boasts the kind of exposure that traditional mediums 

could never have dreamed of before. That success has made the company one of the most admired in the world but that success has also put them in a very precarious position. Competitors aside, Facebook’s biggest challenge is its own success and the headaches that can come with that.

One of the key components of the rise of Facebook has been the dedication the company has shown towards privacy. Unlike predecessors such as MySpace, Facebook has prided itself on the ability for users to control who sees what on the social networking site. Now the company has renewed its dedication to that privacy, revamping the network and prompting users to reassess their own privacy while on the site. Many observers are applauding the effort by the company to ensure that users are as secure as they would like to be, but one group who gets a great deal of enjoyment out of those previously lax rules is more than a little upset by the changes.

“One of our primary goals is to consistently improve Facebook and expand what our users can do through the site, and that includes providing them with new tools to help control their information. The features we’re announcing today aren’t the end point, but are simply the latest step in our iterative process. Great suggestions helped us get here, and we look forward to the feedback that will help us develop the next innovation in privacy and user control,” said Chris Cox, vice president of product management. “The visibility of content created by minors – defined as those Facebook users aged 18 and under – will be limited to only those contacts labelled as "friends" or "friends of friends", or within a user's school or work networks, even if they set their profile so that it is visible to everyone on the site.”

Facebook officials did not state whether or not the privacy changes would affect employees of the company or just average users. Either way many believe that stalkers and lurkers are going to have a much more difficult time navigating the site in the future.

“While it will definitely give users of the site a little more confidence that they are looking out for them the truth is they are segregating a large segment of their user base, a segment that helped to bring them success when they were just starting. Things have to change of course and you have to make the transition from the hardcore users to the mainstream, but they will likely see an erosion of users,” said Scrape TV Technology analyst Ken Kevins. “With the number of people they have using the site it’s unlikely that they will be dramatically hurt by the erosion, but they are putting a lot of their power users on the outs and that is going to make a lot of people angry.”

Users are already reporting previously accessible wall posts and photo albums to be closed, resulting in many closed accounts.

“I wouldn’t at all be surprised to see a traffic spike at MySpace. As much as they have fallen out of favour in recent years their privacy rules are very lax which makes it the perfect venue for this kind of behaviour. We could be seeing the beginning of the return of MySpace,” continued Kevins. “Other sites with little or no privacy concerns could also see an uptick with this new policy. Facebook, because it so huge, is unlikely to be harmed in any significant way but in 2006 people would have said the same thing about MySpace and this little college start-up.”

Many critics are concerned that Facebook stalkers may return to traditional methods of pursuing people, resulting in real world dangers.

STUDY FINDS SILVER BULLETS LARGELY INEFFECTIVE AGAINST WEREWOLVES

Berlin, Germany – Mankind has long held onto a connection with the animal. From the Anubis of Egypt to the dragons of China to the American Bald Eagle, the animal world has long held a great fascination for human beings. Because of that connection animals quite often integrate themselves into popular culture and become personified. 

There is perhaps no better of example of that than the Werewolf, a fusion of the human and one of the most vicious of animals is tale that has been told throughout human culture across the world.    

Europe in particular has been the home of many tales of the werewolf. From Russia to France the history of mythology and storytelling has long been peppered with tales of Lycanthropy, the transmogrification of a human being into an animal, specifically a wolf. Like all good tales, stories of werewolves have always involved a solution to the afflicted; an antidote to the evil. With werewolves there have been many methods of disposal but none has gripped the public more than the silver, specifically a silver bullet. A new study though has indicated that the silver bullet theory may be nothing more than a myth and that Werewolves may in fact be much easier to dispose of than previously thought.

“An ability to destroy the monster is as important to the mythos as the monster 
itself. Not only does it give us as humans a solution to the problem, it helps to reinforce the practical reality of the legend. Because the being is mortal, unlike a God, it is much easier for people to swallow. Its mortality helps us to understand it,” said Dr. Gerhard Warner of the Humboldt University of Berlin. “We’ve studied the solution to Lycanthropy across cultures and what we have found is that virtually all the methods employed would be effective in the case of a werewolf transformation or an attack. As far as we can determine werewolves are flesh and blood and can be disposed of the same way as a healthy person. Any supernatural powers attributed to them are largely fiction and fantasy.”

Warner recommends implements such as blunt objects, knives or swords, or bullets loaded with regular bullets.

“There is little doubt that a werewolf would have increased strength and possibly increased levels of adrenaline that could keep it going for a longer period of time than a normal human. More like a bear than a human, but by and large the things that will kill a human being will kill a werewolf. They may take a few more bullets, but they will go down,” continued Warner. “What we want to prevent it people using valuable silver and melting it down into bullets. There are more common metals that will be just as effective and the hording of silver just isn’t necessary. We don’t want people going around melting down their good cutlery out of ignorance. People should prepare for a werewolf attack in much the same way they would an attack from another human being and not get irrational.”

Dr. Warner also believes that things like poison, fire, and car accidents would also be effective ways to rid a person of a werewolf. There hasn’t been a reported or rumoured werewolf attack in Germany for at least two hundred years, an incident which some believe may have been a regular wolf.

“This study of course is not conclusive and does require further discourse but we feel 
we are on solid ground. I do want to emphasize that this is a study of werewolves only. We did not study other monsters such as Vampires so we cannot comment on effective methods for disposing of those beasts,” continued Warner. “This of course shouldn’t make anyone too worked up over the possibility of having to dispatch of a werewolf in the near future. This study was merely for informational purposes. We simply do not want people to panic if the very unlikely event that a werewolf does appear ever occurs.”

Scrape TV News attempted to contact representatives for the silver bullet industry in Germany but received no response by press time.      

GAY PRIDE PARADE NUDITY STILL BAFFLING SCIENTISTS

Toronto, Canada – There is perhaps no minority in the history of the world which has had a mixed history like that of homosexuals. Across all countries, all ethnicities, and all economic and social conditions homosexuality has played a role in the makeup of society. Unlike racial or ethnic minorities, homosexuals have never been the victims 

of prejudice based on their appearance but rather on their behaviour. The existence of homosexuality has long been documented and enjoyed various levels of acceptance throughout ancient civilizations, perhaps no more than in the modern day.

An abundance of positive role models in media, the gradual acceptance of co-habitation and marriage, and the growing indifference to a person’s sexual orientation in any capacity have made the modern world one of the most free and accepting societies ever. It is in that world that events such as Pride parades have flourished but despite the advances of the modern world sociologists have still been stuck on the question of why so many gay and lesbian people are unable to retain clothing during Pride parades and have some wondering if there isn’t something fundamentally different about homosexual people after all.

“The core issue here is whether or not there is some kind of physical difference 
between homosexual and heterosexual people that we have yet to ascertain. Tests have never indicated that there are any unique differences in body structure but the mystery of how these clothes are unable to stay on people’s bodies continues to baffle even the most learned of scientists,” said Kal Walker, a sociologist who has worked with GLAAD. “I am homosexual myself but have never had trouble keeping my clothing on in a public setting. I buy the right sizes, occasionally have things fitted, but have never had the problem of my clothes just suddenly slipping off my body the way it seems  to occur with so many of the people that attend Pride parades. It could be that people who attend those parades simply don’t know how to dress properly but then we need to determine if those two things are intertwined or if somehow these parades themselves create some kind of modification of the body that renders clothes un-wearable.”

Pride parades have become more and more common across North America with those in Toronto, Vancouver, New York, and San Francisco being the best known and least clothed. 

“Homosexual men at least have long been known for their sense of style. While that’s inaccurate as a practical fact, the stereotype has continued due partly to people’s affection for it. Regardless of the reasons, the opportunities are there and both gay men and women should take advantage of it and get clothes that fit, or at least ones that will stay together,” said Scrape TV Sexual Identity analyst Maria Kant.  “It may a product of hot weather causing clothes to become slippery and sliding off but you don’t see that with other parades or outdoor events. I’ve never seen say a Neo-Nazi march where swastikas in private places were being exposed to the world, however interesting that might be to see. It may be that what we have believed about the myth of homosexual fashion is actually true after all.”

Many observers have pointed to the lack of clothing suddenly falling off runway models as evidence to the contrary of that assumption, though admit that the presence of heterosexual fashion designers may help by increasing competition for small numbers of jobs.

“At this point it may very well be that it has become a habitual thing. People make friends at places like these parades and they end up shopping at the same stores and with more or less the same sensibilities which results in even more people with ill-fitted clothing which inevitably ends up on the ground along the parade route,” continued Kant. “There is an argument that nudity is somehow intrinsically linked with the idea of Pride and even homosexuality itself. That it is a sort of acting out, much like a child throwing a tantrum, a cry for attention. That may very well be a fact for some people but it may be that that is simply a cover up for the truth which of course is lousy clothing.”

Pride parades across the continent continue through June, clothing more or less optional.   

TIMES DON'T REALLY CHANGE

Remember not only to say the right thing in the right moment, but far more difficult is to leave unsaid the wrong thing in the tempting moment

MY MUM MID FIFTIES TO MID SIXTIES

DURING THE FIFTIES UP TO THE MID SIXTIES SHE WAS A MODEL FOR ANYTHING FROM KNITTING PATTERNS TO CAKES AND WOMAN'S WEEKLY MAGS

LARRY GRAYSON

Shut that door with Larry Grayson

Nuneaton's Larry Grayson was one of the most popular performers of his generation, discover a little more about the fabulous comedian.

Pop-it-in-Pete, Apricot Lil and, best of all, Slack Alice and Everard became close friends of the British public during the 1970s and it was all thanks to one man.

It was the amazing Larry Grayson, star of the Generation Game and stages up and down the country - as well as a star of his beloved Nuneaton community, where he spent most of his life.

Larry was a true comic genius, who could make millions of people howl at their TVs on a Saturday night with just a raise of an eyebrow or a shout of "shut that door!". But it was from humble beginnings that one of the greatest ever light entertainers came.

Paying attention

Born William White in Banbury in 1923, he was put up for adoption by his unmarried mother Ethel. At the tender age of ten days, he arrived in Nuneaton to live with his new foster family, Alice and Jim Hammond and their daughters Flo and May.

Sadly, Alice died when young Billy was just six and eldest sister Flo took it upon herself to take special care of her baby brother. She adopted the role of Billy’s mother and their special and very deep relationship led to him thinking of her, and referring to her, as Mum for the rest of his life.

Larry's agent and star maker, Michael Grade

Billy’s early days in Nuneaton helped to form some of his comic creations for his later life. The closely-knit community was typical of its time, with plenty of gossip over back fences, on the bus and on the streets and he listened intently, storing up some of the seemingly mundane conversations for later life.

His showbusiness bent started early and he staged shows for friends and neighbours at his home - proving a huge success and paving the way for his future ambitions.

Becoming Larry

After leaving school, Billy started work in a shoe shop but he lasted only two days before a kindly neighbour offered him a slot at the local working men’s club. His stage debut saw him sing the music hall ditty In the Bushes at the Bottom of the Garden - and he became a roaring success.

His act progressed as he began working in other clubs around the Midlands and he eventually extended his act to include drag - he dressed as a woman in the first half and came back on as a man. Not many people realised the acts both side of the break were one and the same person, a testament to his success!

Larry takes to the floor

His act continued - under his new stage name of Billy Breen - until he linked up with agent Eve Taylor. They decided on a name change, she chose Larry and he chose Grayson after one of his idols, the singer Kathryn Grayson, star of Kiss Me Kate.

Shut that door!

He continued his trek around the country’s clubs for 30 years as Larry Grayson but though popular, wasn’t receiving the recognition he craved. His health began to suffer and he suffered three burst ulcers during 1969 and then from nervous problems.

Things were about to change, however, and when young Michael Grade spotted him performing in London, he was signed up immediately and under Grade’s management, he started to get some television appearances.

He proved a massive hit instantly and was signed up for his own show, Shut That Door - a half an hour long variety show, featuring his inimitable brand of comedy and led to him being voted Britain’s Funniest Man in the TV Times awards, voted for by the public.

He continued working for ITV for more than six years, recording more of his own shows and specials and worked in many of his famous characters, like Slack Alice, Apricot Lil and Everard.

However, he never left his roots and though he was able to move to a more exclusive part of the town, he remained in Nuneaton and the only visible show of his new fortune was a white Rolls Royce.

Larry Grayson with Isla St Clair

Scores on the doors

Larry Grayson finally engraved his name on the hearts of the nation forever when he moved to BBC One in 1978 To front the Generation Game after Bruce Forsthye’s departure.

Though at first reluctant to step into the shoes of the great Bruce, he decided to adopt the mantle with the encouragement of family and friends.

With his new sidekick - the forever giggling Scottish folk singer Isla St Clair - he made the show his own with the unique way he related to the inevitably badly dressed contestants and joined in the fun himself, usually with deliberately disastrous consequences!

His asides to camera, usually coming after he had misread a card containing the contestants’ biographical information, and withering remarks to guests as well as his tales of Slack Alice and the rest propelled the show to stellar heights.

Larry Grayson on the Generation Game

The show began to pull in 18 million viewers regularly and it was renamed Larry Grayson’s Generation Game as a mark of his success.

Arriving home

When the show was at its peak, Grayson decided to stand down and bade an emotional farewell in 1981. He retired back to Nuneaton after a brief spell in Devon and though he made guest appearances on various shows, he began to fade into the background.

His final appearance came at the 1994 Royal Variety Performance, when his parting words were his most famous catchphrase "Shut that door!".

Larry died in January, 1995 and his funeral was held in his beloved Nuneaton. Though gone, he could never be forgotten and many still travel to the town in his honour.

I WONDER IF HE IS GAY?

MY NEW LEAST FAVOURITE HOUSEMATE

MY LEAST FAVOURITE HOUSEMATE

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

If America is so great how come they don't sell self raising- flour

US Man Bitten To Death By His Pet Dogs

A mastiff is believed to have been among the pet dogs

Michael Winters, 30, was found by his father in a pool of blood in the driveway of his home, around 35 miles southwest of Cleveland.

Coroner Paul Matus said up to nine dogs left "hundreds" of bites on Mr Winters that caused extensive bleeding.

The dogs appeared to have targeted areas of Mr Winters' body where there were arteries, including the neck and thigh, Mr Matus said.

The dogs were of various breeds and are thought to have included a mastiff and a rottweiler.

Officers said they shot two of the animals because they became aggressive when approached, and seven others were euthanised.

The coroner said the attack could have been caused by the dogs developing a pack mentality.

"We really don't know what prompted this," Mr Matus said.

"When they develop a pack mentality, they are likely to launch an attack on someone."

The dogs' remains will be tested for diseases, including rabies.

HAIR TODAY: Dec last week

VIEWERS have been left scratching their heads as to how Declan Donnelly's previously thinning hair appears to have grown back.

During this week's Britain's Got Talent semi-finals his barnet appeared miraculously thick and bushy - a far cry from when he was snapped at the swish Ivy Club in London in April last year.

An insider said: "For the past few years Dec and partner-in-crime Ant McPartlin have had ever-rising hairlines and been unable to disguise it. But whereas Ant seems happy to grow older gracefully, Dec's hair seems to have regrown."

Hair treatments are becoming increasingly popular with celebrities.

Thinning last year

A £6,000 course involves spending 40 minutes a week at a studio under a laser that helps re-grow follicles, and using special shampoo capsules plus a liquid re-growth formula rubbed into the hair twice a day.

Embarrassing Bodies TV doctor Christian Jessen, 33, had his thinning mop of floppy blonde locks thickened. He declared himself "delighted" with the results.

And Man United hero Ryan Giggs, 36, had the same treatment in May with apparent success.

MY FAVOURITE HOUSEMATE ...SO FAR