Notting Hill Carnival

Cheesy Chat Up Lines!

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away

If you were a hamburger, you'd be a McGorgeous

If you stood infront of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

Can I have directions? (To where?) To your heart

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!

Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated.

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.

If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.

Hi my name's Doug. That's God spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped in it.

Is your surname Jacobs? Because, girl, you're a cracker.

(Break an ice cube with your teeth) Now I've broken the ice can I buy you a drink?

Is that a fox on your shoulder, or am i seeing double?

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy!

Are you from Tennessee? Because you are the only ten I see!

You're just like a parking ticket - you've got 'Fine' written all over you!

Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Neither do I, but it broke the ice!

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd but U and I together

Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?

Help the homeless. Take me home with you.

Shall we chat or continue flirting from a distance?

Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

(Get as close as you can to the other, then stare at his/her lips) Can you feel it? There is some kinda sexual attraction. Can you feel it, too?

Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!

So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?

Apart from being beautiful, what do you do for a living

SAD THURSDAY

Josie leaves Big Brother House!!

Josie has left the Ultimate Big Brother house by breaking out of the garden fire escape.

She had been speaking with housemates all day about leaving the compound, but seemed to have been convinced by them to try to stick out the last two weeks.

Walking over towards the smoking area on her own, she suddenly burst through the fire escape doors and into the camera runs.

In a strange twist, one of the first people she met was John James in the Big Brother car park. He had been at the compound to record a message for her.

Still wearing her microphone, she was heard telling him: "Thank God you were here when I came out."

"You're so stupid," John James replied. "I love you so much!"

Josie admitted that she could not "handle it no more" and told John James: "I just thought f**k this, it's not worth it."

The pair kissed and Josie apologised to producers for quitting.

"I'm so sorry, guys," she said. "They're all really nice people don't get me wrong. I'm normal, I'm not a celebrity. I'm not like that."

A shocked Brian and Nikki had tried to follow Josie when she made her exit but they were immediately called back into the garden by Big Brother.

Chantelle revealed that while she had been making her nominations, Big Brother had told her they had a situation to take care of and needed her to leave the Diary Room.

New Housemates

Josie wins Big Brother!!!

Ruth Jones to play comedy legend Hattie Jacques

G

How fondly we all remember the Carry On films. They produced a wonderful stable of British comic actors, including Kenneth Williams, Sid James and Barbara Windsor, who became the nation's all-time favourites. 

And despite the dirty jokes, sexual innuendos and absurd character names (Sir Rodger de Lodgerley and Dr Nookie anyone?) there was always something rather innocent about the series. 

Over the years we have learned that the playful antics of the characters on screen masked some serious personality disorders, and that the schoolboy romps captured on the big screen were nothing compared with what was going on behind the scenes.

Carry On star Hattie Jacques will be portrayed by Gavin and Stacey star Ruth Jones in a new TV drama of her life

The gloriously funny Kenneth Williams was in the grip of a dangerous depression, while the hilarious Joan Sims was an alcoholic.

And now we discover that the buxom Hattie Jacques - who famously played the overweight matron figure, with a glint in her eye - was lusty to the point of nymphomania off-screen. And what's more, her ample size served only to make her many suitors even keener.

No one who saw Hattie dressed as the fairy queen, or as a flamenco dancer to Eric Sykes's Spanish guitarist, will ever forget her tremendous comic impact. Neither will they forget her husband, the much-loved Dad's Army star John Le Mesurier (Sergeant Wilson).

Hattie Jacques - who famously played the overweight matron figure, with a glint in her eye - was lusty to the point of nymphomania off-screen

Only recently a BBC drama told how Le Mesurier's third wife ran off with lugubrious comedian Tony Hancock - bizarrely with John's blessing. Now, it's been revealed that second wife Hattie Jacques actually acted as a matchmaker for Le Mesurier - she herself having developed an obsession with a rough-trade toyboy whom she entertained in their marital bed.

The extraordinary story of Jacques's passionate appetites, and her lifelong frustration at being too fat to become a ballerina, form the basis for a new television film starring Ruth Jones as Hattie. To most people, Ruth will always be Nessa, the black-clad goth from Barry in the marvellous TV sitcom Gavin And Stacey - a comedy she also co-wrote.

But take another look, and why yes, she could be the dark-haired, voluptuous Hattie Jacques, whose mere size would make the audience crack up - especially when she was caught in an embrace with the weedy Kenneth Williams in Carry On Doctor.

'No, no, matron. I was once a weak man,' implored Williams, recoiling in fastidious horror from Jacques's elephantine appetites.

'Once a week's enough for any man,' she responded breezily, before poor Williams was wrestled upside down, Jacques's long-suppressed amorous desires took over and the audience was left in stitches.

First love: Jacques with former husband John Le Mesurier, who couldn't satisfy her sexual urges

It was a winning formula and the scriptwriters did not have to look far to find it, because Jacques's desires were the driving force of her life.

Hattie was the real thing, a woman who liked sex so much she threw caution to the wind whenever she found it. In short, her gargantuan appetites matched her girth - Hattie was never discouraged from falling madly in love, even if it was almost always with the wrong people.

Her first great passion during World War II (when she still went by the name of Josephine Jacques) was for an American soldier called Major Charles Kearney. 

Hattie was the real thing, a woman who liked sex so much she threw caution to the wind whenever she found it

The teenage Josephine, fresh from private school, met the debonair Charles when she was working with the Red Cross during the Blitz - first at an air raid post near King's Cross station, then in London's East End near the docks. While there she famously helped with the emergency delivery of a baby girl in a telephone box.

But it was in the West End, at a Mayfair theatre where nurses used to take wounded soldiers to see traditional music hall acts, that she was introduced to the love of her life.

The buxom school-leaver was completely taken in by the suave drawl of this transatlantic charmer, who wrote her rhapsodic letters warning her not to diet too much because he liked having a lot of woman to love.

She later recalled that even in those early days, she was the butt of jokes due to her size. While binding wounds and sheltering in Underground stations, she would hear comments like 'blimey, it's a good job Adolf hasn't got a bomb that size' or 'there'd be room for a whole family if you left the platform'.

When the Red Cross drafted its London staff out to country hospitals, Hattie refused to leave the city - and Kearney. She speculated in later life that she might well have become a nurse in real-life, had she not met her American soldier.

Ooh, Matron! Jacques with co-star Charles Hawtrey in 1968 film Carry On Doctor

As it was, the lusty 21-year-old had discovered sex. She took a job as a welder in a North London factory - where she was nicknamed Lady Muck - in order to be near her lover.

For a couple of years they enjoyed passionate assignations in friends' flats or in hotels where she proved herself insatiable. 'Eleven times ... wonderful!' she wrote in her diary. 'With your technique you should spend all your time in bed,' she told her American lover.

But her desire for Charles didn't stop her dating other men when he was out of town. 'Please God send me a man,' she wrote desperately one evening in February 1944 before going to dinner in London with another American soldier. She later recorded: 'God sent him! Met him at 5.10am, drunk by 6.10am.'

Increasingly frank about her sexual needs as she became more famous, Hattie ensured that her name remained in the phone book - in contrast to most stars who went ex-directory

Charles Kearney was not the last man who would concede defeat faced with the Hattie's voracious sexuality. He was well aware she played around and, since he could not stop her, agreed that he would consider her faithful to him 'as long as you never do anything that would someday make you feel that you had been unfaithful to yourself'.

The affair finally foundered when Kearney told her he was married to a woman in Massachusetts and they had a four-year-old daughter whom he adored. The impetuous Hattie responded by getting herself pregnant by him, saying she wanted his child, too - then she thought better of it and had a backstreet abortion in Streatham. She never saw Charles again. 

By this time, she had landed a job singing music hall songs at the Mayfair theatre (where she and Kearney had first met). She wore a tight white jumper with a large red dragon emblazoned across her ample bosom to the audition. With a new name and a new career, she spun a story that her lover had been killed in the Ardennes.

In reality, she responded to Kearney's disappearance from her life by indulging in some unabashed dating. Increasingly frank about her sexual needs as she became more famous, Hattie ensured that her name remained in the phone book - in contrast to most stars who went ex-directory. Her biographer suggests this was a deliberate ploy to encourage suitors who liked large ladies to phone her.

And there were many who did. Her future husband, actor John Le Mesurier, took an immediate shine to her when he saw her on stage in 1947. Though married, he took Hattie dancing, apparently with the blessing of his first wife, then invited her to see him on stage.

Soon they were living together, something which suited Le Mesurier - who didn't even know how to make a cup of tea - down to the ground. As soon as his divorce came through, the ever impulsive Hattie proposed to him. They married in 1949 and she gave him two sons.

Well-loved: Jacques, seen here with Barbara Windsor in Carry On Doctor, was adored by everyone

Everyone adored Hattie. She loved entertaining and kept an open house for her friends. And she loved working, particularly on radio's famous Tommy Handley show, ITMA (It's That Man Again). Even its name brings back wonderful memories to all those who sat by their wireless sets laughing till their sides ached at the BBC comedies of the 1950s.

On the show Educating Archie she met all the names who would enrich the gloomy post-war years: Eric Sykes, Beryl Reid and Tony Hancock. She went on to star in Hancock's Half Hour, playing the overweight secretary and object of Hancock's desires.

Just like her most famous character, Matron, she had never learned to control her predatory impulses

'You'll never carry her over the threshold,' says a gruff Sid James. 'No, but a gang of us might,' retorts Hancock.

Towards the end of the decade, Hattie was cast in Carry On Sergeant. This was hotly followed by Carry On Nurse - in which the formidable Matron was born and Leslie Phillips coined his famous phrase: 'Ding Dong!'

Carry On Teacher followed, then Carry On Constable, Carry On Regardless - in all there would be 29 films and Hattie Jacques appeared in 14 of them. By Carry On Cruising in 1962 she was fair, fat, 40 and riding high.

Then, one day, when she was setting out for a charity function, instead of being picked up by her usual driver, a new handsome face appeared at the front door of the family home in Earl's Court - and Hattie fell in lust all over again.

Devastatingly attractive John Schofield was a young Eastender, almost half Hattie's age and a witty talker with an engaging personality. Quite the opposite of Hattie's taciturn husband.

'A fast-talking Cockney who made a living selling cars,' Le Mesurier would later dub him, while Barbara Windsor described him as 'stunning, a gorgeous bit of crumpet'.

Schofield and Hattie took one look at each other and went to bed that very evening - in the marital home she shared with Le Mesurier. Schofield was an adventurous lover and the couple were so infatuated that, in order to meet regularly, they pretended they had to attend a series of non- existent charity events together. At last she had found the lover she had been looking for ever since Charles Kearney .

Since Le Mesurier was often working away from home, the couple had the run of the family house. When Le Mesurier came back, Schofield stayed overnight on the sofa. Soon he had a room of his own in the house, though incredibly the mild-mannered Le Mesurier (usually confused by the amount of marijuana he smoked) was the last to realise what was going on.

When he did cotton on, he took the view it would eventually blow over.

Before her time: Jacques died of a heart attack in October 1980, aged 58

The final straw came when Hattie openly declared her love for Schofield in front of both men. Soon, Le Mesurier had found a lover of his own, Joan Malin, who worked behind the bar in a Shaftesbury Avenue theatre. And Hattie, by now besotted with Schofield, set about oiling the wheels of their affair.

With his wife having essentially left him for a younger man, Le Mesurier took the blame. He allowed himself to be sued for adultery, in order to protect his beloved Hattie's career and reputation.

By 1965, Hattie ruled the roost in the family home. But her lover's behaviour was becoming increasingly erratic. She put up with it for a year or so - even going on a crash diet to beguile him. When she appeared in public now she was often wearing dark glasses and when she took them off her eyes would be blackened or cut.

Though friends were concerned, Hattie was so in thrall to their sexual chemistry that she refused to think ill of Schofield. Then one day in 1966, when she was making The Bobo in Rome with Peter Sellers, Schofield told her he had fallen in love with an Italian heiress. A huge argument followed and Hattie phoned Le Mesurier in tears. The affair was over.

Schofield cruelly delivered the final blow when, back in Britain, Hattie was taken to hospital with a kidney complaint. He flung a gold medallion which she'd given him inscribed with the words 'I love you' on to her sick bed and stormed out.

He never even returned to the house to collect his belongings. Nor did he say goodbye to Hattie's young sons, to whom he had become a father figure.

According to friends, the ebullient Hattie was never the same again. Le Mesurier had, by this time, married Joan - even though within six months she had already fallen for his so-called friend Tony Hancock, with whom she carried on an affair until his suicide in 1968.

So Hattie consoled herself with the company of gay men - and with food. She always made light of her extra pounds - 'it saved me an awful lot of heartache about wanting to be Cleopatra or Juliet,' she claimed - but behind the scenes her fuller figure upset her tremendously.

She tried to slim down, going to fashionable health spas and managing to lose three stone, but she was so big that it didn't show. Desperate for another lover she even sent a lonely hearts ad to a magazine claiming to be of 'medium weight'.

Eventually, Hattie gave up hope of romance. Instead, she hosted sumptuous Christmas parties where the table would be groaning with food, including three separate turkeys cooked in three ovens. 

And she threw herself into her work, battling painful arthritis and chest problems.

By the age of 58, Hattie's was alone. Her one remaining confidante was the seriously unstable Joan Sims. And when her mother died in her arms in 1980, Hattie felt she had lost her last true friend.

Hattie herself died of a heart attack - or perhaps it was a broken heart - not long after. 

Just like her most famous character, Matron, she had never learned to control her predatory impulses.

BIG BROTHER FLOOD

Richard Desmond wants X Factor and Big Brother for channel Five

Big Brother may still have a life, with Media tycoon Richard Desmond purchasing Five and looking to resurrect Big Brother on the channel. Mr Desmond, who owns he Daily and Sunday Express and OK! Magazine, is understood to have already had talks with Endemol – who were also interested in purchasing the television station.

According to The Telegraph, Mr Desmond’s £100m bid for the channel is expected to be confirmed later today.

The paper says that the potential new owner is already understood to have had discussions with Endemol – the owners of Big Brother – about resurrecting the programme.

By using his newspapers and magazines to cross sell the content and personalities involved in such reality TV shows Mr Desmond hopes to be able to revitalise the reality TV genre.

Big Brother 11 is the last series of the show to air on Channel 4.

Big Brother Housemates 2010. Consider Yourself - Oliver

HAPPY TUESDAY

Why are we still dying for a tan? The Brits abroad who are happy to burn in the sun

Recent research claims we're getting more sun savvy. If you believe the hype, we're slapping on the high-factor sunscreen, leaving the midday sun to the mad dogs, and carefully covering up. 

Except we're not, are we? We might be telling market researchers, and even ourselves, that that's what we're doing. 

But, in fact, we're being just as irresponsible in the sun as we Brits have always been. 

Take Phoebe Richards, 17, whose face  -  and body  -  hit the headlines a few weeks ago when her skin erupted into huge blisters on a flight back from Portugal. 

Sun lovers: Sandra Richards and Debbie Banks show off their tans

She insisted she'd been careful in the sun during her two-week holiday in the Algarve. 

And despite admitting she had been 'a little bit burnt', she attributed the blisters to the pressure in the cabin, or an allergic reaction to the sun. 

Cosmetic dermatologist Dr Sam Bunting is utterly unconvinced. 'I don't think there is anything in these images to indicate an allergic reaction to the sun, nor do I think that cabin pressure played a role in the development of blisters. 

'I think it more likely that this is simply bad, blistering sunburn.' 

But what about Phoebe's claims that she had stayed out of the sun between the hours of 12 and 4pm? That she'd religiously plastered her body in factor 15 and 20 suncream? 

 

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'Either she wasn't using sun protection properly, or she's kidding herself about her behaviour in the sun.' 

The thing is, she's not the only one. Last week, I travelled to the Costa Del Sol with Dr Bunting to see whether Britons really are getting the message about safety in the sun. What we found was genuinely shocking.

In the course of a single day on the beaches around the popular resorts of Fuengirola, Marbella and Puerto Banus, we came across teenagers so desperate to get a tan that they were basting themselves in cooking oil; seasoned sun-worshippers scorching themselves for spurious health reasons; and even well-intentioned parents, whose attempts at protecting their children could actually be storing up serious problems for the future. 

Our trip coincided with the first full week of the school summer holidays and, despite recommendations that people avoid the sun when it's at its hottest  -  between 11am and 3pm  -  at midday, with the temperature at around 31C, the beaches were packed with families soaking up the sun.

Feeling the burn: Tim Lloyd from Hitchin with his three children Thomas, Thillana and Naomi with their nanny Mandy Skeet

Among the first people we spoke to were Debbie Banks, 50, and Sandra Richards, 57, friends from North Wales. 

They've been visiting this part of Spain for the past 25 years and, eight years ago, bought property in the area. 

They now visit around ten times a year and, as their deep mahogany tans suggest, they're dedicated sun-worshippers. 

'I love sunbathing and I do put cream on,' says Debbie. 'But the highest I'll go is a factor ten, and I suppose I'm not very good about putting it on over and over again. 

'Still, my skin's used to the sun and if I had anything sinister, like a mole or anything, I'd get it looked at.' 

Dr Bunting is unimpressed. 'Her skin's not used to the sun, it's actually suffering from what's called actinic bronzing, chronic sun exposure over long periods of time which leads to this sort of permanently heavily pigmented, weathered appearance  -  a sign of extensive sun damage.'

RED ALERT

Malignant melanoma is the second most common cancer among young adults

The British Association of Dermatologists recommends using a minimum of SPF 30, and how you apply it is crucial.

Most people don't use anything like enough lotion (use at least two tablespoons worth to cover the whole body). 

'You sweat, you're in and out of the water and, even if it's water resistant, it's not always towel resistant,' Dr Bunting explains, adding that you should aim to reapply every 90 minutes. 

Sandra thinks she's become more sun savvy with age, although she, like Debbie, doesn't tend to use much above SPF 10. 

'I think you bury your head in the sand about the risks when you're younger,' says Sandra. 

'Now I use suncream more than ever because I am worried about skin cancer. 

She adds: 'One summer, I did decide not to go out in the sun at all, but I was just miserable. I feel sad when I don't get a dose of sunshine. 

'Now, if the sun's out, I sit in it.' 'Besides, the sun's good for you, isn't it?' Debbie adds. 'It gives you vitamins.'

In fact, if you're suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (a condition that leads to depression in the winter months) you don't have to sit in direct sunlight to benefit from it and, while the body does need sunlight to produce vitamin D, you only need to have your face in the sun for 10 to 15 minutes, twice a week, to get all the vitamins you need. 

Ouch: A woman sits in the midday sun, seemingly oblivious to the damage it is doing to her skin

But Debbie and Sandra were quite typical of the holidaymakers we encountered. They knew that they were endangering their health with their behaviour in the sun, but glossed over this with a combination of a perfunctory application of sunscreen and selectively remembered facts about the sun's benefits. 

Further along the beach we met Nicola Cordt, 38, and her husband Simon, 37, from Luton, taking a long weekend break without their children. 

Nicola admitted that while she was careful to make sure her children never burnt in the sun, she was less diligent with her own body. 

'I start off with factor six and then when I get burnt I put on a higher factor. I know it's silly, but I feel better with a suntan,' she says. 'Of course I worry about skin cancer, but not enough to change.' 

However, even she admitted that the strong July sun had caught her off guard. 'We normally come a bit later when it's not quite so hot and then I'll happily bake in the sun from 9am to 9pm.' 

Simon, on the other hand, says he doesn't actively seek a tan, usually applies factor 20 and stays in the shade, yet he was also obviously sunburnt. 

FAIR LADIES

Pale skin was once prized: Elizabethan women painted blue lines on their foreheads to make skin look translucent

'Again, Nicola knows that she's not being sensible in the sun, but the worry is that Simon thinks he is,' says Dr Bunting. 

'There's a real disjunct between his perceived behaviour in the sun and his actual behaviour.'

Many parents we spoke to, like Nicola, were conscientious about keeping their children protected from the sun, even if they would happily burn themselves. 

It remains to be seen whether, as this generation grows up, they will continue to protect themselves in the sun or imitate their parents' cavalier attitude to it. 

But sun protection is a complicated business  -  and even with the best intentions, we don't always get it right. 

Like many parents we met, Tim Lloyd, from Hitchin, Herts, uses the once-a-day sunscreen, P20, on his three children Thomas, eight, Thillana, four, and Naomi, three. 

'They say you can put it on once a day, but we usually apply it once in the morning and once after lunch. 

'The children don't like having suncream on, so the fewer times you have to do it, the better. And it works, they've never been burnt.' 

But Dr Bunting has serious reservations about once- a- day sunscreens. 'There are two main types of skin cancer. 'The most serious is melanoma, or mole cancer. Less serious, and more common, are nonmelanoma cancers. 

'We know that sunburn, which is caused by the UVB rays of the sun, increases your risk for both types of cancer, and as a result, suncream has, historically, concentrated on protecting against UVB rays.'

However, more recent research suggests that a different type of radiation, UVA, could be a ticking timebomb. 

Long-term problems: Skin cancer is the most devastating result of exposure to the sun, but leathery aged skin is also a problem

'Unlike UVB, you can't actually see the damage it causes immediately, but it's believed to play a significant role in melanoma. Studies show that exposure to UVA-emitting sunbeds is related to an increase in melanoma risk, so unwitting exposure to UVA radiation now could lead to serious problems later.' 

The SPF figure on sunscreen relates only to UVB, and while P20 and other similar products do claim to offer some UVA protection, Dr Bunting's concern is that they simply don't provide enough. 

'In a way, it's almost worse because it lulls people into a false sense of security,' she says. 

'At least if you're burning, you're forced to cover up, or stay out of the sun.' 

Well, that's what you'd think. We came across Kate, 16, and a friend from Northern Ireland, holidaying with their parents. I was impressed to see Kate's 15-year-old friend was spritzing herself with factor 50. 

FIVE GOLDEN RULES TO STAY SAFE IN THE SUN

• A tan is a sign your skin is damaged so if you want to be brown, fake it 
• Avoid the sun between 11am and 3pm 
• Wear at least SPF 30, reapply every 90 minutes, and use at least 2 tbsp worth to cover your body 
• Look for a product with high UVA protection, as the SPF only relates to UVB. If you want to be sure of the best protection, buy an Australian product, such as SunSense (sunsense.co.uk), here, suncream is assessed from a medical, not cosmetic, perspective. 
• Sitting under a shade or parasol alone will not stop you from getting burnt, so ensure you still apply sunscreen. Up to a third of UV rays still penetrate through an umbrella. 

But as we got closer, it seemed that despite the high factor, she was noticeably sunburnt. 

'I'm only using factor 50 because I burnt yesterday,' she explains. 

We ask her what factor she was using yesterday and I'm truly shocked by her response.

'Cooking oil,' she tells us, showing us a bottle of lotion that they've emptied and filled with oil. 

'My parents would kill me if they knew what we were doing. They think we're wearing factor 15, not cooking oil.' 

'It gives you cancer, but it makes you tan,' says Kate, shrugging her shoulders. 

So today they're using factor 50 on the bits they burnt yesterday, and cooking oil on the bits that aren't yet burnt. 'I think you tan quicker if you burn first,' says Kate. 

She's not alone. A recent poll by the Teenage Cancer Trust discovered that more than a quarter of 13 to 19 year olds deliberately get sunburnt in the belief their burn will turn into a tan later. 

Kate has a sprinkle of freckles across her nose and I ask if she finds that her freckles get worse when she sits in the sun with cooking oil on her face. 

'Oh I don't use cooking oil on my face,' she tells me. 'I use lemon juice. We did our research on the internet and found what would get us tanned quicker and what would get rid of the freckles,' she adds. 

'We'll worry about skin cancer later if it happens, we just prefer the way we look when we're tanned.' 

Given just how many people cited improving their physical appearance as their reason for wanting a tan, it was staggering how few made the connection between things such as wrinkles and age spots, and their exposure to the sun. 

We were frequently told: 'That's just part of getting old, it happens to everyone.' 

In fact, according to Dr Bunting, around 70 per cent of the signs of ' ageing' that we saw were attributable to sun exposure. 

'It might be natural, but it's also totally preventable,' she says. 

But the real stumbling point is that a tan is still perceived as healthy. From a medical perspective, that notion is as ludicrous as suggesting walking around with bruises from head-to-toe is desirable. 

'A tan is a sign your skin is damaged,' says Dr Bunting. 'But it seems people aren't getting that message.'

Costa Del Sol holiday: Nicola and Simon Cordt were keen to protect their children but less worried about themselves

Perhaps, more worryingly, I feel that people are getting that message but are choosing to ignore it. According to Cancer Research UK, skin cancer is not only the most common form of cancer in the UK, with six people a day dying from the disease, but also one of the fastest growing. 

However, because of the length of time it takes for these cancers to develop, what we're seeing now reflects what we did in the Seventies and Eighties. 

It will be some decades before we see how our current sun behaviour translates into cancer statistics. But judging from our trip, things aren't going to improve. 

The sun damage that we witnessed on the Costa Del Sol is just a short-lived, superficial souvenir of a combination of self-delusion and confusion. 

What's more concerning is that it could be the predictor of a lethal legacy in the future. 

Because, in many ways the situation is worse than it was in the Seventies. At least a generation ago, we genuinely had the excuse that we didn't know any better. These days it seems we're wilfully playing Russian roulette with our health. 

Somehow, dying of ignorance is less shocking than the prospect of dying of vanity.